Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
