I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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