why didn't you poke me back
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
