nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
