That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
