i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
