I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
