There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
