I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The adults are the big ones right?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
