I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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