did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
