I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
