Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
