Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
