All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
