I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
