Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
