just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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