Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
