can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
