I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
