john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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