does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
