Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
