she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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