he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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