I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
