The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
