Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
