I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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