I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Did I show you my penis last night?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
