On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
