just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
