Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
