Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
