If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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