The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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