she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
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