4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
