I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
