ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
