How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
