Screwed.edu
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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