I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
