Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
