Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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