Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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