So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
