it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
