He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
