Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize