Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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