When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
