we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
