Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
