i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
