i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
