I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
