I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Someone signed my nipple.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
