her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
