Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
