We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
