The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
