I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
