so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
