just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
