Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
