Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Randomize
