I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
