never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
