i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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