In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
